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Glee Archive

  • Season 3 Episodes 20 & 21 Airdate: May 15, 2012 “Props” aired the same night as “Nationals” as part a two-episode event. I call it Glee: The Movie. It’s like how Walker, Texas Ranger used to do TV movies back when networks still did made-for-TV movies. Walker and Glee are equally as logical. Far from being the embarrassment Sue predicted, gender-all encompassing Unique has gotten a lot of positive press for Vocal Adrenaline, which could give them an advantage at Nationals. Sue says that New Directions must respond by putting Kurt in a flapper dress and calling him Porcelaina. Kurt...0May 18, 2012

    Glee: 3.20 & 21 “Props” & “Nationals”

  • Season 3 Episode 19 Airdate: May 8, 2012 Rachel starts the episode with a voiceover—ala season 1—about moving on after Whoopi Goldberg crushed her dreams. I know how that feels, sister. With NYADA and Broadway out of the picture, she is trying to focus on smaller goals, such as prom. Figgins calls Brittany into his office. Brittany is the class president, but Figgins calls her a “do nothing presidency” and is considering abolishing the position all together. What does the class president even do? It’s not like she has any real power. That’s what the school board is for. The...1May 12, 2012

    Glee: 3.19 “Prom-asaurus”

  • Season 3 Episode 18 Airdate: May 1, 2012 Porpoise of Life Name: Cooter Beats Coach Beiste Lesson of the Week: Domestic violins Rachel prepares for NYADA. Coach Beiste comes to school a black eye. Santana makes a crack that Cooter, her husband of equal size, went Chris Brown on her and other girls laugh. Santana CHOKED on being funny, because that Roz swim coach scary woman tells them it is inappropriate to joke about abuse and then insults all of their races. I think that’s sending a mixed message. She doesn’t know their names, so here is what she calls...0May 12, 2012

    Glee: 3.18 “Choke”

  • Season 3 Episode 17 Airdate: April 24, 2012 Porpoise of Life Name: Whitney Houston Episode Lesson of the Week: We’re going to ignore that Whitney Houston died of a drug overdose and act like it was breast cancer or something. Aw man, Mercedes is singing. Her grandmother just died and she is sad. Santana, Rachel, and Kurt soon join her, so at least we have three good looking girls to stare at. The kids are still mourning the passing of Whitney Houston back in February. Because that really hit America’s high school seniors hard. “You think after two months they’d...0May 4, 2012

    Glee: 3.17 “Dance with Somebody”

  • Season 3 Episode 16 Airdate: April 17, 2012 The episode starts right off with “You Should Be Dancing”. And Blaine sings it. It’s the disco episode. I’m missing hockey for this. This episode aired during a Red Wings game in the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Where I live, Fox and the CBC are right next to each other on the dial because Charter Cable thinks the Upper Peninsula is part of Ontario. So I flipped back a lot between Glee and the game. If you’re not a Canadian, or American citizen who lives in Michigan, you most likely do not give...0May 3, 2012

    Glee: 3.16 “Saturday Night Glee-ver”

  • Season 3 Episode 15 Airdate: April 10, 2012 I am not going to recap “On My Way” because it sucks my butt, so let’s move onto this episode, which also kinds of sucks. Rachel and Finn did not get married due to Quinn’s car accident, but now plan to in Chicago during Nationals. The couple keeps pushing back the date of their wedding. I think because Ryan Murphy keeps planning to write the wedding episode, but then spends all day masturbating in front of a mirror. Quinn is in a wheelchair because Ryan Murphy hates her. “Hey, here’s the most...2May 2, 2012

    Glee: 3.15 “Big Brother”

  • Season 1 Episode 10 Airdate: November 18, 2009 Will’s Stupid Assignment of the Week: Ballads “Ballads are stories set to music,” Will tells the glee kids, “blah blah blah…Pick a name out of a hat and sing a ballad to your partner.” Will has to put his name in because that kid who will be dropped at the end of the season is not here. Rachel picks his name, so the two immediately sing a duet. At the home of her over the top parody of a conservative WASP family, Quinn’s mom helps her fit into a dress for the...0April 16, 2012

    Glee: 1.10 “Ballad”

  • Season 1 Episode 9 Airdate: November 11, 2009 Porpoise of Life Name: The Worst Episode of the 1st Season Issue of the Week: Be patronizing to people with disabilities The cheerleaders are jumping rope while Quinn, who was kicked off for being with child, watches longingly from the bleachers. Finn tries to talk about it with her. “I know how much it hurts to be off the team,” he says. No you don’t. Finn has never been kicked off anything. I must have forgotten after the concentration camp experience that was watching “I Kissed a Girl” but Finn has been...3April 16, 2012

    Glee: 1.09 “Wheels”

  • Season 2 Episode 7 Airdate: November 16, 2010 Here’s the dealy-o kids, Sue is the acting principal because she got that fat girl, who will soon join glee club and then never be seen again, to sneeze on Principal Figgins. He caught her type 2 diabetes and is out with the flu. Fats also sneezed on Will. “Just one of the perks of being a high school teacher,” a sick Will says, “constant exposure to illness.” I thought that would be more an issue with elementary school teachers. Teenagers have pretty tough immune systems and don’t get sick all that...0March 22, 2012

    Glee: 2.07 “The Substitute”

  • Season 2 Episode 4 Airdate: October 12, 2010 Bad news. Puck is not present due to a contract dispute with the producers being in juvie for stealing an ATM.  As a replacement, Twink boy has joined the glee club. The lesson this week is duets. “A great duet is like a great marriage,” says Will. What does Will know about a great marriage? He may as well compare duets to childbirth. The glee club is going to have a duet competition, and the wining team will get a gift certificate to Fazoli’s Breadstix. Kurt eyes Twink for a partner as...1March 20, 2012

    Glee: 2.04 “Duets”

  • Season 3 Episode 13 Airdate: February 14, 2012 Will’s Dumb Assignment of the Week: The World’s Greatest Love Song “Regionals are next week,” Will tells the club, “and we still need to start rehearsing our songs raise $250 for costumes and hairspray.” The kids groan at the thought of another fundraiser. Sugar is rich, so gives him the money right there and then invites the kids to her Valentines Day’s party. “No single people allowed,” she says. “They are sad and boring and don’t exist in my world.” To the auditorium, where Finn is wearing Steve Burns’ shirt and we...1February 23, 2012

    Glee: 3.13 “Heart”

  • Season 3 Episode 12 Airdate: February 7, 2012 Porpoise of Life name: “Mexican Episode” Issue of the Week: Latino culture is rich and vibrant and Santana is easily offended Will’s rendition of “La Cucaracha” in Spanish class does not go over well. The principal tells him that a student complained that it was offensive. I don’t see why. They sell those giant flashy hats all over Mexico. That’s probably where Will bought his outfit. The principal says there is an open tenure position and Will is up for consideration. But first he has to learn Spanish. Will takes an adult...0February 12, 2012

    Glee: 3.12 “The Spanish Teacher”

  • Season 3 Episode 11 Airdate: January 31, 2012 Porpoise of Life name: “Michael Jackson” Issue of the Week: Glee Honors Michael Jackson This episode gets right into it. “Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’” kicks off within the first 45 seconds. Which means this episode will be light on plot and heavy on songs. I don’t care for this particular song, though. I only like the Michael Jackson songs that Weird Al Yankovic has parodied. Also “Thriller”, but only the video. That song sucks on the radio but is kickass on TV. After the song, Finn follows up with Rachel on that...2February 11, 2012

    Glee: 3.11 “Michael”

  • Season 3 Episode 10 Airdate: January 17, 2012 The episode kicks off with Mercedes (dressed blacker than ever) leading the girls, and Sam leading the boys in the Grease duet “Summer Nights”. Because they got together over the summer. It’s January now. Kurt sits in with the girls as usual, while Blaine is with the fellas. This of course fits in with how we all imagine it when Kurt and Blaine have sex and Kurt magically grows a vagina. I mean, we all imagine that, right? Right? Come on, someone back me up here. Damian and Sam are still on...3January 19, 2012

    Glee: 3.10 “Yes/No”

  • Season 3 Episode 9 Airdate: December 13, 2011 Porpoise of Life name: “Christmas II” Issue of the Week: Christmas This episode is pretty much all Christmas music. So instead of providing lots of screencaps, I will use them sparingly and embed every song. It’s a better way to present a review of this particular episode. Until Fox pulls all their stuff from Youtube and renders this article useless. I think it will also slow down the load time considerably. The first song is “All I Want for Christmas is You” led by Mercedes. Afterward, in the hallway, Rachel gives Finn...4December 14, 2011

    Glee: 3.09 “Extraordinary Merry Christmas”

  • Season 3 Episode 8 Airdate: December 6, 2011 Porpoise of Life name: “Sectionals III: The Return of the Twink” Issue of the Week: Being Young, I guess. That’s what the writers were going for, bless their hearts. Rachel is at her locker even though she is suspended from school. She explains to Quinn that she is still allowed to come to get her school work. I don’t know if that is how suspensions work, but Rachel is only at school so Quinn can tell her that Shelby (Rach’s ma) is sleeping with Puck and Quinn will use this information to...4December 9, 2011

    Glee: 3.08 “Hold on to Sixteen”

  • Season 3 Episode 7 Airdate: November 29, 2011 Porpoise of Life name: “Finn Teaches Santana How to be a Woman” Issue of the Week: Santana is the bad guy for not wanting to be outed This dumb episode opens in Principal Figgins’ office, where Santana is about to be suspended for slapping Finn in the previous episode, which will force her to miss Sectionals. Zero tolerance and all. When Santana asks why none of the students who throw shushies at the glee kids have ever been punished, Figgins replies that it is because a slushie is not a weapon according to...4December 3, 2011

    Glee: 3.07 “I Kissed a Girl”

  • Season 3 Episode 6 Airdate: November 15, 2011 Porpoise of Life name: “Mashed Rivalries” Issue of the Week: Mashed potatoes (I WISH!!!) The episode opens with a Puck voiceover about how much he wants his penis all up in Shelby. I like to imagine that whenever we hear a voiceover from Puck, it’s him writing in his Hello Kitty diary. Puck doesn’t just want sex time, he wants a relationship with her. He’s totally in love after their kiss and expresses his emotions by busting out to “Hot for Teacher”. FUCK YEAH! Glee did a pretty sweet homage to the...7November 22, 2011

    Glee: 3.06 “Mash Off”

  • Season 3 Episode 5 Airdate: November 8, 2011 Porpoise of Life name: “Sex Episode” Issue of the Week: Sex Artie has fallen in love with directing because he can order people around. Opening day for West Side Story is soon approaching, but Artie is concerned that Rachel and Blaine, who play the leads of  Maria and Tony, are still be virgins.  “Have either of you two actually… ” Artie asks them, which prompts Emma and Beiste to leave the auditorium. Rachel and Blaine are put on the spot as Artie explains that actors can’t express passion if they have never...5November 21, 2011

    Glee: 3.05 “The First Time”

  • Season 3 Episode 4 Airdate: November 1, 2011 Porpoise of Life name: “The One Before the Sex Episode Next Week” Issue of the Week: Next Week Everyone Has Sex That Irish guy who co-won The Glee Project is here, to begin his seven episode “prize.” He plays a foreign exchange student named Rory (which ever since Gilmore Girls I’ve thought of as a girl’s name) who is living with Brittany and also crushing on her. But Brittany thinks he is a leprechaun and can’t understand a word he says. I can’t either. His accent is really thick. Also, Sue is...0November 15, 2011

    Glee: 3.04 “Pot O’ Gold”

  • Season 3 Episode 3 Airdate: October 04, 2011 Porpoise of Life name: “The One They Put Effort Into” Issue of the Week: Following your dreams or something The dance class that Will forced several glee kids to take and Other Asian is overseeing is still meeting regularly. Note: Will named it “Booty Camp” because he is one of those people. I refuse to use the term. Santana asks to rejoin glee club and is allowed back. That was quick. She was kicked out in the first episode of the season and this is the third. And Quinn rejoined in the...0October 10, 2011

    Glee: 3.03 “Asian F”

  • Season 3 Episode 2 Airdate: September 27, 2011 Porpoise of Life name: “I’d Rather Watch New Girl” Issue of the Week: Being yourself Shelby has returned to Lima as a new teacher at McKinley. That stupid Sugar Motto’s mafia don father paid the school a bucket load of money to create a new glee club just for his daughter. He also went to New York to recruit Shelby to be her tutor. Shelby took the offer because the money was too good to pass up. She isn’t looking forward to tutoring the one and only person in this town who...0October 4, 2011

    Glee: 3.02 “I Am Unicorn”

  • Season 3 Episode 1 Airdate: September 20, 2011 Porpoise of Life name: “I’d Rather Watch My Little Pony” Issue of the Week: Purple Because Glee is out of new ideas, the season 3 premiere begins same as the season 2 premiere, with Jewfro filing a news report about what the glee kids have been up to over the summer while insulting them. What is up with his microphone? Is he a reporter for the Israel Broadcasting Authority? Why would an Israeli TV network care about the goings on of a high school glee club in Ohio? Maybe this is the...0October 2, 2011

    Glee: 3.01 “The Purple Piano Project”

  • Made with generalzoi’s Pony Creator        0September 20, 2011

    My Little Glee

  • Season 2 Episode 22 Airdate: May 24, 2011 Porpoise of Life name: “New York” Issue of the Week: New York The season finale opens with Rachel taking in the sights of New York City. Apparently New York City is one big commercial. Rachel reminds me of Liz Lemon from 30 Rock. I can see Tina Fey’s character standing in Times Square wearing that exact same outfit. Liz will be like, “This is when I start over in New York City, even though I’ve lived her for 13 years.” And then, like, a homeless guy pees on her. I don’t know,...0June 3, 2011

    Glee: 222 “New York”

  • Season 2 Episode 21 Airdate: May 17, 2011 Porpoise of Life name: “Funeral” Issue of the Week: Funerals Jesse is a consultant for glee club now. So he is not in his glee club anymore? I think they said he graduated high school last year. And he went to another high school. But even with that in mind, this doesn’t make any sense. Sue and Terri are still trying to sabotage glee club. Sue wants to have their flight to New York sent to Libya instead, where she hopes they will be killed, or kidnapped and then killed. To change...0June 3, 2011

    Glee: 221 “Funeral”

  • Season 2 Episode 20 Airdate: May 10, 2011 Porpoise of Life name: “Prom” Issue of the Week: Prom Prom is coming up and the glee kids are divided in between those who are excited because they are running for prom queen or king and those who hate prom and aren’t going. Principal Figgins is forcing the glee club to provide the music after Great White cancelled. That’s a lot of work for glee club. Just get a DJ. Or some speakers and a iPod. Kurt asks Blaine to prom, but Blaine is reluctant to go. He says back in his...0May 17, 2011

    Glee: 220 “Prom Queen”

  • Season 2 Episode 19 Airdate: May 03, 2011 Porpoise of Life name: “Fleetwood Mac” Issue of the Week: Fleetwood Mac The episode opens with Brittany’s webshow, which is about fondue. Roll your eyes if you want, but that’s a way better idea for a website than reviewing Degrassi. There’ll be no shame in being almost 30 and still talking about fondue. Mercedes and Tina are on the webcast as well. “Is this really what they were doing in the 70s?” asks Mercedes. No, they didn’t have Youtube in the 70s. Oh, she means fondue. Kid, you have to keep in...0May 11, 2011

    Glee: 219 “Rumours”

  • Season 1 Episode 22 Airdate: June 8, 2010 Porpoise of Life name: “The Final Battle” Issue of the Week: Childbirth Alright, 11 months later, I’m reviewing the first season finale. Sue will be one of the judges for Regionals. Will is worried because the glee club has to win or place at the competition, or they will be disbanded. So sayeth Principal Figgins. We flashback to the night Puck and Quinn made their baby. Today, Quinn is almost ready to deliver. She is in Will’s kitchen and I was worried they are now dating, but then it is revealed that...0May 5, 2011

    Glee: 122 “Journey to Regionals”

  • Season 2 Episode 21 Airdate: June 1, 2010 Porpoise of Life name: “Funk” Issue of the Week: Funk The non-Rachel and Finn kids discuss the upcoming Regionals competition. It seems that they are favored to win and the Ohio Show Choir chatrooms are full of discussions about how the competing club, Vocal Adrenaline, is stale. I would think the Ohio Show Choir chatrooms would be mostly full of suicide poetry, but whatever. To destroy our heroes’ confidence, Vocal Adrenaline sings a song in West McKinley’s auditorium. The big shocker is that Jesse has rejoined Vocal Adrenaline, but it’s been almost...1May 5, 2011

    Glee: 121 “Funk”

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